To Ethiopia!

Got some attention on that title.  :)  No, it’s not us that is going to Ethiopia, but rather my BIL & SIL.  They leave this morning for their first trip which is for their court date.  They are adopting two precious little girls E & B who are 2 and 1 respectively. Please pray for safety, good travels, passing court, and for the time they spend with their girls that their hearts would bond.  Here’s their blog to follow their journey Love Has Many Flavors

Learning to navigate together…

Well, my last post was tough… sharing the struggles we’ve faced with M and her trauma.  But, as I posted before, God has given us GRACE!  We’ve also received knowledge and wisdom that we didn’t have before.  Right around the time of my last post, we were searching for some way to help M deal with her anger and trauma.  We found a program through our agency, Bethany, called ADOPTS – it’s a 14 week program of individual counseling/therapy and a support group for 6 weeks.  We’re almost finished and all of us have grown closer together and we’ve learned a ton about trauma, the effects on children, and tools to handle it.  M has grown so much in her trust for us and in handling her emotions.  The road is still bumpy right now, but at least the road blocks are being removed and we’re learning how to navigate together! 

Rough Roads - Grace Needed

Okay friends, time to be real. Not that I haven't been real all along but this time it's gut wretching...heart tearing...REAL. One of the reasons for continuing our blog was to keep things real... honest and provide a glimpse into our journey as a family. Along all roads there are at times bumps, rough patches, areas where you have to go reeaallly slow. Well, we've been experiencing one of those types of roads this summer, which is why there hasn't been a post since June. yikes. As we continue to share our journey, we hope it offers encouragment to others, we hope you hear our hearts and we hope that God is glorified in and through us.

Adoption is one of the most amazing gifts and blessings. But... It. Is. HARD. (sometimes)

For the past seven months we have been struggling as a family to help M deal with her emotions. This is a huge challenge just in the fact that she's only 5 and really doesn't understand her feelings let alone have the ability to always verbalize them.

Let me explain what I mean. Sometime around January/February she began to have these anger outbursts, she had a few before this but it was at this time they started to become more and more frequent, we had a harder time helping her calm down, she was physically violent and she began saying some pretty hurtful things. Things that no five year old should ever say - or even know about. I was shocked and TOTALLY unprepared for this! I took it very personally the things she was saying and let them hurt me. As a result I started to put a wall up around myself and would just go through the motions in caring for her, not really caring because I was hurt.

I would get really frustrated (and still do sometimes) with her behavior. Her defiance. Her anger. I found myself lacking control and getting irritated with her instead of being helpful... I was adding to the problem. Many days I found myself just sobbing because I couldn't figure out what went wrong... what happened... how did we get here on this road? And why?


Then she got really sick and we ended up in the hospital for a few days and she had my undivided attention while I helped care for her. The wall came down - partially - and I saw just how needy she really was. How she has fought for herself her entire life.

In Ch*ina, you have to provide your own nurse to take care of you when you are hospitalized. Since she was alone those first few months of her life, an orphan, most likely there were nannies who came once and awhile for her but were not there 24/7. Being in a hospital anywhere is scary for a child, going through surgery, recovery all that stuff and to be alone - my heart aches thinking about it. An infant needs attention & care, espcially one who is ill. So, M has always fought for herself... trying to get what she needs or thinks she needs... and not really letting anyone too close. It breaks my heart to think of the things she's endured in her young life and then I get upset with myself for letting it affect me. I'm the adult. I should be able to look beyond the words, attitudes, and fits and just see her need.

Ya know - that is one of my favorite old hymns, "He looked beyond my faults and saw my needs". It's so true! God looks at us, His children, and probably wants to put a wall up sometimes, shake His head and cry when He sees our attitudes and actions. But yet, despite our failures, faults and fits... He loves us - so much that He gave His son for us. I pray that I can be more Christ-like toward M and see her needs and not her fits.

The walls of my frustration and shortcomings are coming down and are instead being rebuilt with grace, mercy, compassion and patience. Everyday is a challenge, some easier than others... but we get through it only because of the GRACE of God. G R A C E - it's a word we have been learning the full meaning of. Not only have we been teaching our girls about GRACE but also we've been learning this ourselves as we too are reminded of the GRACE that God has given to each one of His adopted children. We deserve NOTHING and yet He so faithfully loves us... cares for us... and provides for us. What we DO deserve, Christ has paid the penalty for us. It's amazing - Grace that is!

Yes, I've failed many times in my responses to her. But, praise God, for His mercy is always new, fresh, just what I need. He is doing a new thing in M and in each one of us! We are learning that His grace is sufficient for all we need.

Lamentations 3:21-24 "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'"

2nd Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Dad & Daughter Dance

This year Nat decided she'd like to do the daddy/daughter dance at her recital. Kyle agreed and for six weeks they would practice their dance together. They had a great time and turned those recital times into a little "date" night. The big performance was in early June. You can hear his mom laughing during the video - guess she never knew all the moves he had. Enjoy the video :)

Happy 5th Birthday Megan! (June 10)

Happy birthday to our cutie-pa-tootie!  We are so happy you are our daughter! 

We thank God for bringing us together...for your laughter and seriousness...for your enthusiasm for life and trying new things...for your deep affections.  You are a special little girl and we love you!! 

We pray for your China family that they will have a sense in their hearts of just how much you are loved, well cared for and happy.  Please bring them comfort today Lord as they celebrate in their hearts their little girl's birthday.  We thank you for Megan!

Recently this was said by Megan at bedtime prayers, "...and thank you for Jesus and Him not being dead on the cross anymore because that would be so sad...and that He can be our friend...and that Him raised and we can live in Heaven...Amen."  Too sweet!  Brought tears to my eyes!

What happened to May?

Ya know...this blog was my attempt to journal about our family journey and in doing so to perhaps inspire or touch someone else through our stories. 

But....

I'm just not very good at it.  Life just seems to happen and my blog takes a back seat.  I guess that can be a good thing though.  As we were waiting to bring Megs home I spent a lot, I mean A LOT of time on the computer searching others blogs, adoption sites, info about toddler adoption and everything.  Many times Nat or Kyle would say something that would remind me that I needed to focus on them too.  So, I guess forgetting to update my blog once in a while is not all bad. 

Disclaimer - For those blogger friends that DO update their blogs with meaningful information, insight and stories on a regular basis - this is NOT meant to say that you are spending too much time on the computer....what it does mean is that YOUR ARE MUCH MORE DISCIPLINED and have figured out how to BALANCE your time better than I have!!  I admire that and I hope to be able to balance time better too and therefore keep a better update going.  Thank you for your examples!

SO...What DID happen to May?

• Dinner with good friends at our favorite onion ring restaurant then window shopping followed by ice cream!  Great Saturday evening!
• Grandpa had knee surgery - helped with getting him lunch once home and then to therapy
• Tulip Time - Nat was once again in the parade with her class and I walked as a chaperone.  Great time together!
• Daddy & Nat began "Dad & Daughter" dance practice together getting ready for the recital.  Dancing to C*anned Heat - should be good. :)
• Enjoyed the beautiful spring time together.  One day Megan said, "It's such a beautiful day to play outside."  She is very expressive and really enjoys life!
• Hosted college friends and their family over Memorial Day.  Although the weather was a bit rainy we had a blast playing W*ii together (even at 2:30 am trying to beat M*ario) - talking, reminiscing, eating - just being together.  And, the best part...the kids get along so well!

Well, that's a quick summary of the month. In short, we've been well taken care of by our Heavenly Father, each day having enough food to eat....clean water to drink....a roof over our heads and a pillow under them....clothes on our back...toys and books...love and laughter.  What more could we really ask for?

Here are a few photos to enjoy. :)

Megan riding her big girl bike.  She just hopped on and took off!  :)

Daddy: "Let's close our eyes and look at the back of our eyelids." 

Meg: "Okay, but Dad...I don't see...anything." :)

Mom & Nat at Tulip Time Kinderparade

Only God!

17 Years Together
On April 3rd Kyle & I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary!  We had a wonderful evening together - and a "cheap" one too.   No, the flowers weren't recycled ... like they were 18 years ago the week he proposed and found perfectly good carnations thrown in the trash from someone who didn't want to receive them so he rescued them and gave them to me.  No, we didn't go to the Mexic*an restaurant and only order 2 pops and eat the refillable chips & salsa for our date...like we did 17 + years ago.  No, we were blessed with a gift certificate awhile back and it still had about $6-$8 left on it.  So, we decided to go to this restaurant and finish our certificate - they have great food and we very rarely eat there so that's where we headed.  We enjoyed our meal and shared together in conversation reminising and talking about our family and life.  One thing we talked about was our concerns with the surmounting medical bills we were receiving from Megan's pneumonia.  Time came to get going and Kyle gave the server our gift certificate and the rest of the payment.  She came back a few minutes later and said she didn't need the other payment as there was over $30 left on the card.  Huh?  But, we used it awhile ago and there was only $30 to begin with???? Or so we thought. 

ONLY GOD! 

Wow - we were so surprised ... we just enjoyed a wonderful, quiet meal together and it didn't cost us anything - thank you Heavenly Father!  He knows our concerns....and He BLESSED us!

Easter Celebration

Easter...new spring clothes...chocolate bunnies...chocolate eggs...marshmallow shaped animals...egg hunts...

the list goes on.  Easter is in fact the 2nd best selling candy holiday in the US.  But what is it about Easter that is more than all this?  It's celebrating the fact that we have a Savior who went to the cross for each one of us...died in our place...took our punishment.  But, that's not the end of the story....no, 3 days later He defeated death and rose again.  "The angel said to the women, 'Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified.  He is not here; he has risen, just as he said.  Come and see the place where he lay.'"  Matthew 28:5-6 

ONLY GOD - He always keeps his word - He is faithful!

Easter is so much more than candy & eggs...we celebrate our risen Lord, our "new life in Christ" and pray that you too can celebrate your new life in Christ.   To know Christ as your Savior, visit here

Provisions

I mentioned above how we had been worrying (never a good thing to do - it gets you no where, just like a rockin' chair ;))  Anyway...we had been worrying about the medical bills were were facing.  Long story and rather than get into a rant about how unfair and - should be - illegal actions by our insurance company, we have been without insurance for Megan.  So, these bills are a huge concern.  After much prayer and searching of our options, we decided to apply for asssistance.  After a meeting with a local case worker, we were told there was no way we would qualify.  She couldn't tell me why because she didn't have that authority, but just that when doing the application on her computer program, it said we were denied.  That was on a Friday.  The following Tuesday we got a letter in the mail saying we were qualified and Megan had medical coverage.  Huh???  Weren't we just told we did NOT qualify, now we do? 

ONLY GOD! 

Again, He is Faithful and has provided for our needs.  Was this they way in which we thought, no.  But, HE PROVIDED.  Recently Kyle had been to a Holiness Summit and one of the quotes he brought back was this...

"despise the means and forfeit the grace". 

The speaker, Mark Quanstrom was preaching on II Kings 5.  So Lord, we do not despise the means...we accept your grace...your provision...thank you!

SPRING BREAK FUN

Another,

ONLY GOD

experience recently where our entire family was invited to a Pist0ns game - FREE.  Yup - as in no cost to us.  Isn't that just like God - to bless our socks off?  We had a blast!  And, the group that invited us got to go out on the floor during warm ups- so did we!  And, the group got to make a free throw after warm ups - so did our girls (well only Megan - Nat didn't want to - but she could have).  And - the group had packed sack lunches (which were delicious) made up for everyone so we didn't have to buy expensive stadium food.  It was an awesome night!  Megan had a great time at her first ever professional sports event ....and the Pist0ns even won!   

 

OUR TWO - ONLY GOD - BLESSINGS!

Here's a couple of fun photos of the girls - OUR girls only because of God!

The football game was at a picnic we had with our good friends, the Powells.  Megan had a blast running around with the big boys playing football!  And, our tree-climbin', song-singin' Natalee.  We had no more than parked the car after getting home from the picnic and she was in the tree singing and climbing - just "hangin" out. 

one week later but HAPPY GOTCHA DAY

Last Thursday we celebrated the day that our lives were forever changed with the addition of a beautiful, fiesty, full of life, adorably cute little 3 1/2 year old.  She has the deepest most infectious laugh, the most determined will, the best big hugs and is such a blessing to our family.  One year has gone so fast and yet it has seemed she has been a part of us for so much longer.  We are so thankful for the love and care she received from her foster family! 

We celebrated our day "Megan" style.  In fact, all of the suggestions that her big sister gave her just wouldn't do because as she said "It's MY gotcha day so I get to choose."  Okay - so what did she want to do?  Eat at Chuck *e* Cheese and fly a kite.   Easy enough.  She loved playing the games at CEC, especially the 4wheeler ride with dad.  Flying the kite was cold!  After about 3 minutes she said she was done and wanted to go swing, so Kyle & I flew the kite.  The cold wind was a little too much and we certainly didn't need anyone catching a cold so we went to the car to warm up.  Daddy ended up falling asleep for a few mintues and the girls and I just chatted.  We were trying to decide where to go eat and Nat said it was tradition to go to our favorite Chinese restaurant for Gotcha day.  Well, Miss Megan didn't like that someone else was "telling" her what to do on her day.  So, okay, what should we do Megan?  "Well... how 'bout Chinese noodles from our favorite restaurant?"  ;) Sounds good sweety - so that's what we did. 

We had such a wonderful, relaxing day with just Megan.  She really enjoyed the time together and having Daddy not working - she thought that was really cool.  I know I've said this many many times, but we really are so blessed.  We are blessed to be the parents of two amazing girls.  We are blessed to be adopted by them as their parents.  We are blessed to live in America.  We are blessed to be adopted by Jesus Christ, to be His child!  We are blessed! 

New look for new year

Today (actually yesterday as the clock says it's after midnight) marks our one year anniversary of "gotcha" day.  It's hard to believe it's been one year already.  The time has gone so fast and yet it seems that Megan has been with us forever.  I decided to play around tonight and I created a new look for our blog.  I also gave it a new title as we are no longer on the journey to "get" Megan nor are we currently in the process of going "to" China.  So...to mark the fact that we are on this journey of life togther as a family, I've changed the title of the blog.  Hopefully tomorrow I'll get a chance to post the pictures from today's celebration. 

Home from hospital

Just a quick note to update you all - first thank you for remembering Megan in your prayers.  She was able to meet the requirements necessary to go home Sunday night.  We left the hospital around 6pm.  The last few days have been pretty quiet for Megan - trying to regain some strength, lessen her coughing and continuing drinking.  Today was her follow-up appointment and the dr. said he still hears some noises and feels she still has some pneumonia left.  He said it would be a good week or two before she is fully recovered.  The good news is she doesn't have any restrictions (only what she feels up to) and she is feeling better as she told the dr.  :)  So...thank you again for your prayers!

First Hospitalization

Well, here's a first for both Kyle & I - being in the hospital.  No, it was't one of us, it's Megan.  Over a week ago (2/26) she began with chest congestion, cough & such and after two ER visits, two chest x-rays and a visit to her pediatrician she wasn't improving but rather the 2nd chest x-ray showed some worsening of pnemonia.  So...on Friday they admitted her.  She's been dehydrated and has lost at least three pound too.  It's been a long week and an even longer three days. 

Megan is a fighter in many senses of the word.  She has very strong ideas (which can be a great thing when appropriate) but it's been difficult to get her better because she often fights us.  I'm not used to such opposition from my child - it's a whole new parenting ballgame.  But, we're hoping that she will follow instructions the rest of today so she can go home this evening.  Please pray for her recovery, that we will do what is best for her, that the rest of us stay healthy and everyone gets rest. 

CNY Performances

Below are the links to the CNY performances at our party this past Tuesday.  Xi Nian Kuai Le! Happy New Year!

Natalee performing Golden Ring dance

Megan's class singing "da shang"

Megan's class singing "xaio lao shu"

Group singing "gong xi gong xi gong xi"

Xi Nian Kuai Le & Happy V-day!

It seems like just yesterday was the first of the new year and here we are celebrating Valentines and Chinese New Year - wow!  Everyday is a new adventure with our girls and such a blessing too.  I must admit that there have been some tough days lately - don't know if it's just that our "honeymoon" phase is over and Megan is feeling much more "stable" at home and therefore acting out or what exactly - but it's been trying to say the least.  I'm learning new parenting skills because like everyone says - your second will be totally different than your first.  I think it's one of God's ways of keeping us on our knees.  :) 

Well, here's a glimpse of the fun stuff we've been up to ....

Making V-day cookies & crayons. 

At a local Chinese New Year celebration this weekend.  It was a wonderful time with many other adoptive families and performances by the local Chinese association.  The girls made CNY crafts and afterward they made their own fireworks - bubblewrap!

Today Nat hosted a Samantha Am*erican Girl mystery party for her friends.  I played Aunt Cornelia & Megan played Bridget.  The girls had a great time solving the mystery and having fun together on their day off from school. 

Quick updates on our two friends

First, after a very emotional nine days or so...our friends have their son and daughter from Haiti.  Please continue to pray for the adjustment/bonding process for them.  Here's the link to their blog.

Our friends, the Hahn's have run into some "hiccups" while in China bringing their daughter home.  Seems she has tested positive for TB and they are in the process of some more testing.  Her first test has come back negative, please pray the next two tests are also negative.  If all are negative they can leave for home on their scheduled day of Friday... if not, they will be there at least one more week.  Here's their blog link.

Praying for our friends

Please continue to pray for the people of Haiti as it's now six days after the devestating earthquake.  I wanted to share with you all the link to our friends' blog, the Brinks.  Please pray that their children waiting in Haiti for their forever family will be able to receive emergency visa's and come home.  Click here to read their journey to their son and daughter.

Also, friends from our first adoption group, the Hahn's, are in Shanghai right now and should be holding their five year old daughter for the first time.  Please pray for the attachment and bonding process, that their daughters would all accept one another and their newest one would fit right in to her forever family.  You can read about their journey here.

Christmas Highlights

We had an amazing Christmas! It was such a joy to celebrate the birth of our Savior together with family and friends and even more special was that our daughter was home with us. We began our 2nd adoption on Christmas Eve 2005 and now, four years later are holding her in our arms and sharing the beauty of Christmas with her. What a a blessing!

I'm sorry that I haven't updated in awhile....we really did have a wonderful month of December sharing in fellowship with lots of friends & family. So...I'll do my best to highlight the month.

Christmas with my 86 year young grandma and her 13 great grandkids.

Megan met Santa for the first time...only to then say..."That's not Santa, that's Church Grandpa!"  (My dad pastors the church we attend and she recognized his "ho, ho, ho".  Although she was not upset at this, she very seriously asked the next day when she would see the REAL Santa. 

We took the girls to see Santa at the local photographer in town and after sitting on his lap and asking where Rudolph was (on the roof of course)...she told us, "Thanks Mommy & Daddy, that WAS the REAL Santa!"  Oh, the innocence of children.  Natalee never "believed" in Santa but has been a great big sister in letting Megan enjoy the fun in believing.  They got the new Vegg*ie Tale movie St. Nickolaus and Megan has reminded me often that "Santa" isn't his REAL name Mom, it's St. Nick.  :) 

In the children's program at church Megan played the part of one of the angels and Natalee was one of the main storytellers.  Megan was "one of those kids".  You know, the ones who don't seem to follow the directors cues or do what they've practiced.  Since Grandma was one of the directors and also a piano player, she felt she needed to be near her.  At one point in the play Megan was playing a "duet" to Silent Night on the piano.  It was all too cute - what an "angel".  :)

On the 20th we celebrated Natalee's 8th birthday! 

We had the opportunity to take a few days and visit my college roommate whom I hadn't seen in five years, we hadn't been together as couples in over 10 years and we had never met each others children.  It was a long overdue reunion.  We had such a great time relaxing and laughing together.  The kids hit it off well and played wonderfully, having fun in the snow and making cookies.  It was a great Christmas gift!

Christmas was a very special time this year!  It was so neat to experience it through the eyes of a four year old who has never really had a "true" Christmas nor has she ever known the TRUE meaning of it.  Being able to share with her why we were buying the gifts and wrapping them...that the best gift we've ever been given was baby Jesus, our Lord and Savior and to celebrate his birthday with her...it was wonderful!

She really enjoyed the wonder...the "mystery", the preparations, the decorations, the gifts and of course the opening of those gifts.  One sweet thing she did, as she was pulling things from her stocking she pulled out two packages of gum.  Being that she was the first one to open anything no one else had any gifts.  She took one package of gum in her hand and leaned over to her sister saying, "here Nat I want to share my gum with you".  Melt my heart! We are so blessed, thank you Lord!

Daddy gets Christmas morning hugs from his girls!

We had a great time celebrating Christmas with my family on Christmas eve and then we went to Kyle's family on Christmas and spent the weekend.  New Year's was spent with some good friends of ours, the Powells.  We were able to spend a couple days at their house and just enjoy relaxing and playing games together.  Since we're all getting a little older, we had our own version of the ball drop. First, is was only about 8pm and second, it was a tennis ball..but hey, it was fun!

Ok, guess I missed the ball drop.  Happy New Year everyone!

Wishing you a wonderful 2010. 

May God be your guide and your strength,

may you have peace and contentment,

may you find joy in serving Him!